Not Your Average Fairy Tale
by SoullessShadow
Summary: Axl is bored and asks for X to tell him a story. Being cranky at the moment, X refuses to make sense.


"Blasted paper work..." X muttered as he worked on his laptop while resting it on his lap while laying on his couch. He had a lot to get done by tomorrow and worked his fingers off to get his report done. His fingers were already starting to hurt… and he wasn't even half done yet. He was in a unusual cranky mood because of this since he was tired and knew he couldn't get any rest whatsoever. But he tried his best not to act too irritated since it won't get him nowhere. But it was hard when one can come up and bother you.

"Hey! Are you busy!?"

X grimaced when he heard that annoying, familiar, voice. Axl was coming into his room and looked hyper as almost usual.

"I don't know…" X replied sullenly. "You can say that and maybe you can't… What do you want!?"

"I just noticed your light on so I decided to drop by."

"What for?"

"Well, it is eleven at night and your still up so I was wondering if there was something going on." He said innocently.

"And there's nothing unusual for you to be up?"

"I just can't get any sleep even though I'm trying to rest up for tomorrow."

"Too bad!" X snapped. "If you can't sleep then go and annoy someone else!"

"Aw, come on!" Axl kneeled down besides X. "Tell me a story!"

X did an odd facial expression before glaring at the young Reploid with irritation.

"Tell you a story…? What the hell do you think I am? I ain't your mom! Go bug someone else!"

"Come on…" Axl sighed. "I heard that it helps get one sleep… and since you seem to have been around longer than I have, I bet you have tons of cool stories."

"Stories, eh?" X sneered as he tried to concentrate on his report. "And just what kind did you have in mind?"

"I heard that fairy tales have been a big thing."

"Fairy tales…?" X shook his head. "No can do! As you can see I'm busy and I don't have the time to blabber about some boring whisy whasy of a story. Why don't you go ask Alia to tell you a story?"

"She's on vacation, remember?"

"Oh yeah… well, go and ask the old man."

"Dr. Cain? He is out right now."

"Then go ask Zero!"

"He was the one who suggested that I should ask you."

X lost his temper and slammed the lid of his laptop down.

"Why me!? I'm busy! I can't just…" He looked down at his fingers to see them red. It was hurting of having a whole day of work to do and he could see he needed a break soon. He decided he might as well since it didn't seem like Axl is going to leave no matter how many times he tells the kid he's busy.

"Okaaaay…" X started slowly. "If I tell you one fairy tale will you promise to leave soon after?"

"Yeah! You bet!" Axl said excitedly. "I'll be out as soon as you know it!"

"Okay…" X frowned. "Once upon a time there was this duck… and he lived happily ever after! The end!"

"What!?"

"There! I told you one so leave!" X shrugged his shoulders, wondering himself why he had to act so grumpy this moment. Probably has something to do with his loads of work.

"That wasn't really a story!" Axl frowned. "And you know that! You really want me to leave so bad, don't you?"

"Okay, okay!" X sat up from his couch, giving Axl space to sit next to him. "I'll tell you the story of Little Red Riding Hood… in MY version!"

"In your version?" Axl blinked. "How so?"

"Well, you'll see…" X cleared his throat and began. "Once upon a time…"

Once upon a time there was a Maverick Hunter by the name of Zero. Because his armor and helmet was mostly red he was… NOT called Little Red Riding Hood! Hoo no! He was called Zero. But some think of him as the red demon neverless. He was red so he had… some kind of nickname. Anyways, the story begins when Zero was doing his daily training routine. He was interrupted when the his father Signas (not really his father but this is a story) came up to him with a basket of some stuff.

_"Training hard now, Zero my boy?" Signas greeted._

_"Yes sir… I mean dad!" Zero stopped what he was doing and observed the basket. "What's in there?"_

_"Oh that! Yes, I was going to ask you for a favor. You see, your grandmother is sick and so I decided to assign you a new mission of delivering her these goodies."_

_"But I don't have a grandmo-"_

_"Shh! Just pretend!" Signas cleared his throat. "Any which way - I bet she'll be thrilled if you bring her these things to her!" _

_"Right! Whatever! So what am I bringing her?"_

_"Not much really… Just a bottle of wine, a rated R movie, and a something that resembles a playboy magazine."_

_"Okaaaaay…" Zero rolled his eyes. "And I take you want me to do it now?"_

_"I knew you would do it!" Signas slapped Zero from the back. "You'll probably grow up to be a fine lad!"_

_"I AM grown up, stupid!" Zero snapped as he snatched the basket from Signas hand, feeling pissed to be interrupted by his training on something so stupid._

Of course he didn't have much of a choice at this very moment so he headed off to the woods to take a shortcut. As he kept walking he saw his friend the Hunter, sitting on a log while cleaning his X-buster…

"X-buster!?" Axl snorted soon after. "This doesn't sound like your using the actual characters for this story! Why is Zero and Signas in there? And why are YOU in there!?"

"Geez, chill out!" X slouched back. "Do you really want me to tell you a boring story about boring characters?"

"Um…" Axl had to consider this. "I guess not…"

"See!" X grinned. "If I told you the story in the actual version you'd be snoring before I even make it to the flower-picking scene! Don't you find this more exciting?"

"I guess…" Axl shrugged. "Okay! Then continue! I want to know what happens next!"

"Now we're talking," X was glad he didn't have to drag off with the boring version and continued his version. "Now where have I left off… Ah yeah! So, as I was saying - the Hunter was cleaning his X-buster with his other hand…"

And as he finished, he looked into it to see if the inside needed any cleaning.

"Careful." Zero warned. "It may go off."

"Naw!" Hunter X replied. "I can control my arms and arm busters just well so no need to worry."

_"That so?"_

_"Ah! Hey Zero!" X had finally looked up and recognized his friend. "Nice seeing ya out today. Are you out for a mission?"_

_"Not really…" Zero grunted as he sat next to X on the log. "Signas, I mean dad - had shoved me a basket of some junk and told me to deliver it to grams. That old lady gets all the good stuff!"_

_"Well, if you're going through the forest then I should warn you to watch out for the wolf that's lurking in there," X continued cleaning his X-buster. "I advise you to alert me if you ever run into him."_

_"Why's that?" Zero tilted his head sideways. "I could take out my Z-saber and slash him up just like that."_

_"I know but I'd really like it if you let me get him," X spat on his X-buster and began to polish it. "You see, this isn't just any kind of big bad wolf who we are talking about here."_

_"Oh… so you mean we're talking about…"_

_"Sigma." Both said at the same time._

_"Yep," X nodded. "And as you know the Hunter's festival is coming up as every year and all the Hunters are bringing their biggest prey they had killed. Every year I have killed Sigma and brought him to the festival and every year I have won. Since it seems that I can try to kill Sigma all the time but he always comes back to life with a bigger and uglier feature, I decide to do it again this year. I'm sure to win again." _

_"Yeah… that blasted Maverick - I mean wolf-just doesn't want to kick the bucket."_

_"Nope, but I tell you," X stood up. "I WILL get him just like every year and I will have big bucks at the end! Watch me in action!"_

_"Knock yourself out then." Zero said as he stood. "I better go and deliver these things before dad finds out I've been taking my time and chews me out."_

_"All righty! See you around then!"_

_"Bye."_

_And at the meantime, somewhere in the forest a Maverick wearing a wolf's costume was lurking around… stalking… waiting for his next prey to come by…_

"Hold on! This doesn't really make sense!"

X sighed and began to tap his fingers on the side of the couch impatiently, waiting for what Axl has to complain about this time.

"I mean, why would we be bringing Sigma into this? Wearing wolf's clothing? And why does this story seem more like a set-up play?"

"It's a classic!" X lied. "Do you want me to continue or do you want me to stop telling this stupid story that don't make sense whatsoever!?"

"Okay…" Axl muttered. "Please continue…"

X cleared his throat and leaned back again. "As I was saying, Sigma was lurking around in the woods. It didn't take too long for him to discover…"

Zero coming into the forest, minding his own business. Sigma licked his lips knowing that this will become a yummy treat. He could just jump out and cobble the blonde up but he always had the habit of playing with his victims before eating them so he just casually walked away from his hiding place and up to Zero who thought it was weird enough to see some ugly goof in a wolf costume.

_"Hello there," Sigma grinned. "I'd like to know where someone like you is headed to."_

_"Stuff it up your ss." Zero replied. "My dad tells me I ain't supposed to talk to strangers-especially to ones who are dressed up as if they're going to some geek party."_

_"Wha-HEY!" The wolf became mad at the remark. "I was only asking a question here! No need to get all rude on me!"_

_"And what's up with the chin?" Zero snorted. "It looks like a butt."_

_"Wha… Why you little…!"Sigma was tempted to kill that blonde who dares to talk to him that way but didn't when he decided to play it cool to make revenge sweet later on. He put on his semi-best grin and decided to continue acting like a nice guy._

_"Hahahah… ah, that was such a funny joke." He said as the blood in him boiled. "I suppose you have a joke book in that basket you are carrying."_

_"Naw," Zero grunted. __"This is just some junk that I have to bring my sick grandma. Apparently the old woman can't find someone else to bug when it comes to deliveries."_

_"I see…" Sigma became interested and an evil thought crossed his head. "And just where does this grandma of yours live?"_

_"Why should I tell you?" Zero sneered. "You're planning to use this as an opportunity to rob houses of sick, defenceless, old women or what?"_

_"No, no, no! __I would never do such as thing." Sigma said with a grin. "Do I look like that kind of guy?"_

_With the glare that Zero gave him made Sigma say, "Don't answer that."_

_Zero huffed, wondering what this guy's problem was._

_"What's your problem?"_

_"No problem at all." Sigma lied quickly. "I only wanted to know where your grandma's house is so I can point out the direction where it lies since you seemed lost and I know the forest like the back of my hand."_

_"Yeah, sure…" Zero rolled his eyes. "As if I have forgotten that the old lady's house lies at the end of this stupid forest, east from here. Aw well."_

_Sigma grinned widely. He had this semi-brilliant plan that will give him a decent meal for tonight. Not just the blonde but the old lady as well. He couldn't wait. But to carry out his plan he somehow had to have more time._

_"Say…" Sigma had another idea. "This old lady must be suffering very much so why don't you pick her a nice banquet of flowers?"_

_Zero stared at the flower field Sigma pointed and nearly choked with laughter._

_"Me? Pick flowers? Oh yeah right! Why don't I bake her a cake while I'm at it!? Or how about taking up a ballerina dance lesson along with that!? Whatever! I'm so outta here!"_

_"No, no, wait!" Sigma blocked his path again. "Instead of flowers, why don't you go over there and get her a Happy Meal?"_

_Zero stared at the McDonalds at the far side of the road he was walking on. Hearing his stomach grumble, he decided to get himself a Hamburger and some fries. He started to head toward the fast-food joint._

_"I don't see why not." _

_Sigma grinned widely and rubbed his hands together. His plan worked so well that he had to let out a maniac laugh which is what bad guys usually do…_

"Stop!" Axl interrupted.

"What now!?" X was getting impatient. "You're finding things going too weird again!?"

"Well, actually I had a question. Why is it that bad guys laugh so much?"

"'Cause they're cheerful."

"Cheerful? I highly doubt that!"

"Because they lack hobbies! Now no more interruptions if you please… So after the wolf finished with his hobby, he ran to the east at the end of the forest…

_It didn't take long for him to reach it and was pleased to see the little hut. He slowly made his way toward the door and opened it, not surprised that it wasn't locked. He grinned as he pretended to be Zero as he walked into the bed room where the grandmother had to be._

_"Oh grandma deary. I'm here to give you your goodies."_

_"Who the hell are you calling grandma deary!?"_

_Sigma was shocked to see instead of an old woman, an old man. And he didn't look too pleased as he sat up, glaring at Sigma._

_"Aw hell no! Don't tell me that these no good low down folks have forgotten that their grandma had died three years ago!? And of course they keep forgetting my existence! And here I am, waiting for my beer, rated R movie, and my playboy magazine and all I get is this weirdo with a butt chin, dressed up like he's going to go to some geek party!"_

_"WHAT THE HELL!?" Sigma gnawed his teeth, tempting to eat the old man right away. "How dare you talk to me that way, old man!"_

_"Who're you calling old man!? The name's Cain and I ain't going to sit here and be sick all day!" Getting out of bed, Cain grabbed his trench coat and his stick that were hanging around and made his way to the door leading outside while putting on his hat. "Instead of my goodies I get this dumb ss! Well, I don't have to tolerate this! I'm going to a disco and I don't care if that damn doctor is telling me that I'm not fit enough to go be on the dance floor! I'm going to party like I did in the 40's!"_

_Before Sigma could quite catch what was going on, he heard the door slam with a bang and all he could do at the moment was stand there, blinking. It took his mind to register a few minutes later that he was planning to eat the grandma who turned out to be a grandpa but that didn't seem likely right now. Who knows where the old man is now. He quickly shook his head and decided to dismiss that and just eat the blonde who will be coming here soon. He went through the closet but all he found was clothing that was meant for old women to wear._

_But since everybody seemed to forget that there isn't really a grandma, Sigma decided to just go ahead and slip into the old woman's pajamas. Looking like a dork but not caring about it right now, he got into the bed and pulled the covers over his head. Waiting… waiting for his prey to come… waiting to attack._

"This is starting to sound very funny." Axl remarked. "But there'll be a happy end, right?"

"Uh… Sure, sure there'll be!" He sighed. "Wouldn't be much of a fairy tale if it don't have a happy ending."

"I can't wait for you to tell me the next story!"

"Hey! Don't push it! Let's stick to the one we've got right here, 'kay?"

_In the mean time someone else was trying to stalk a prey but he was still in the woods._

_"Shhhh!" X whispered. "Be wery, wery quiet… I'm huntin' Sigmas."_

_"What's up?" Zero asked as he came up to the Hunter, munching a french fry._

_"I just said it." X explained while aiming his X-buster around as if he was doing target practice. "Knowing him, he'll appear sooner or later and I'll be more than ready for it!"_

_"Doesn't it bore you?"_

_"Nope! I think it keeps up the suspense!"_

_"Doesn't bother you that he can never permanently kick the bucket?"_

_"Only if the Hunter festival dies. Then it might become a problem. Otherwise…"_

_"Right, don't let me stop you on what you're doing. I'm nearby at the old woman's house so I better go get it over with."_

_"All righty. If you see Sigma then just holler."_

_"Hmm… later then."_

_Zero saw the hut just ahead and wasted no time to get inside (so he can quickly go back outside). Once entering he coughed a little and gripped onto the basket._

_"Yo, anyone here or is everyone dead?"_

_"I will soon be dead if I don't get my goodies…" Came a weak, gurgling, voice at the other room. "Come here so I can get them."_

_"Whatever." Zero walked into the other room and stared at the big lump that was covered under the blankets._

_"My, how big your body has gotten." Zero remarked suspiciously._

_"The better to hog up everyone's space with, my dear." Came the reply._

_"Oh shut up. How about showing your face?" Zero tried to remove the blanket from the hidden face but all he could get was a glimpse of the upper face._

_"My, how weird(er) your upper face has gotten."_

_"The better to scare children with, my dear."_

_Zero pulled the covers off completely to reveal the whole face of the wolf's face._

_"My, how big your chin is. It looks like a butt."_

_"The better to… IT LOOKS LIKE WHA…!?"_

_Zero stared at the pissed, cross-dressing, wolf who sat up with rage. _

_"I highly doubt you're the old woman that is referred to as grandma or whatever." Zero shrugged._

_"HOW DARE YOU, YOU FU-"_

_Before he could finish, the door to the side was kicked down and Hunter X charged in with his X-buster ready and loaded._

_"I recognize that voice anywhere!" X stated. "It's undoubtedly Sigm… whaaaa…?"_

_He took one look at Sigma and it was only a matter of seconds before he let out a snort and burst out laughing out loud._

_"Bawhahahahahahahaha! Talk about being in two costumes at once!" He laughed out. "What a gender confused freak!!"_

_"Yeah, tell me about it!" Zero grinned widely as he slouched over, trying to control his chuckling._

_"What the hell is so funny!?" Sigma growled, teeth clenched tightly. _

_"Look in the mirror and maybe you'll know!" X was tempted to roll around the floor, laughing._

_"I will not stand for this humiliation!" Sigma declared as began to transform into a boss-like figure. "Behold my transformation!"_

_A couple of seconds passed and loud shots were to be heard followed by an explosion. When the black cloud disappeared, the sight of victory and loss was revealed. The Hunter grinned widely as he lowered his X-buster._

_"I knew he wouldn't be much of a challenge." _

_"Well, it was kinda unfair attacking him while he was still trying to transform." Zero remarked. "While transforming, it is hard to do anything else because it requires concentration and such."_

_"Who cares?" X picked up the dead, beaten up, Sigma and threw the body into his Hunting bag. "As long as I am winning this year's contest then it'll be no biggie on how I got him. But I think I outta get that dress off him so I'll be more than sure that I'd win."_

_"Fine and good but what'll I'll do with this?" Zero asked as he held up the basket. "No grams around and I'm stuck with that neverless! What'll I tell dad?"_

_"Simple. Just tell him your grandma was eaten by a wolf and your mission just turned out to be a failure."_

_"Sounds dumb."_

_"Could be true."_

_Both of them stood around for awhile, blinking._

_"Sooooo… now what'll we do?" Zero asked._

_"Lemme see what's in that basket." X took a good look in the basket and nodded. "We could hang around and drink beer while watching a rated R movie."_

_"Cool," Zero grinned. "Let's do that."_

_"And during the bits, we could look at some dirty magazines."_

_"Awesome. Looks like it might be a good day after all."_

"And they lived happily ever after!" X breathed as he finally found himself to an end. Axl looked a little troubled though.

"It was a good story but…"

"But what!?"

"How come I wasn't in it?"

"Oh for the love of…" X shook his head and grunted. "Fine! I'll put you in there if it means so much to you! And while the Hunter and Zero were busy having a good time at the hut, outside stood…"

Axl the rapper! With his leather jacket and his sunglasses! A beat came out of nowhere, and like Parapper the Rapper, he started rapping.

_"So you wanna know a story_

_So you wanna know how it ends_

_You wanna know if it's corny_

_You wanna know how it depends _

_It doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't matter_

_If the original was better or right down scary_

_Telling children of wolf's eating grandmas and children_

_No use trying to change things to try to fit in_

_And if I may ask, and if I may ask, ask you which is cooler_

_You answer truthfully like who knew which was the ruler_

_And with my great raps I will keep on singing… Oooh ohh"_

"Beautiful," X sang unknowingly with a semi-high pitched tone. "I just want you to know, you are my favourite girl…"

"Huh?" Axl raised an eyebrow. "Are you getting a bit off there?"

"Hmm? Oh!" X realized that he just had his mind set somewhere else all the sudden. "Sorry! Let's just keep away from Snoop Dog and move on with the story… Ah yeah, and so the guy rapped happily ever after! …And he had a lot of fangirls too… and his own concert… and his own TV show… and his own bathroom…"

"I loved your story," Axl remarked cheerfully. "Thank you so much for telling me one."

"Welcome… Now remember your promise!" X looked at his fingers again. "I've got work to finish."

"Okay, but thanks anyways." As he stood from the couch he turned back again to face X. "When will you tell me the next story?"

"I dunno… Just not today nor tomorrow. I just know I'll be busy whenever you want to hear another."

"Okay, so the day after tomorrow then?"

"I didn't say that…" X said through gritted teeth.

"Oh well… Hey, Zero! Did you catch all of that?"

X looked up startled. "Wha… Zero?"

"Sure did!" Zero grinned as he showed his face from the doorway. "Listened to the whole entire story! Guess X was in one of his better moods!"

"What are you doing here?" X muttered as he opened the lid from his laptop.

"I did say that Zero was the one who suggested that I should hear a story from you," Axl explained.

"And I kinda wanted to hear you tell one since I was bored at the moment." Zero finished.

"Aw great… I'm the entertainer here, am I now?"

"I'd give your story four stars so cheer up." Zero smirked. "Didn't know you had such a sense of humor. Must be the work pressure."

"Yeah, well it's going to be a wasted midnight if you all just stand around all day so please do me a favor and get onto your own business!"

"Thanks for the story." Axl said as he left.

"You sure know how to entertain kids." Zero snorted.

"Why have you been hiding?" X mumbled as he tried to continue on with his work.

"No reason. I just wanted to know how you tell stories when you think I'm not around."

"Hmph! In any case… let me get back to work!"

"Oh yeah, about that," Zero started. "Signas had told me that I should tell you that the report you're working on is due next week instead of tomorrow because he is too busy to check reports from others."

X paused and stayed mute in front of his laptop for awhile.

"Just wanted to let you know." Zero closed the door and left.

X twitched slightly and sighed deeply with stress and relive, closing the lid from his laptop again.

"I guess I should take a good break then before calling it a night…" He said to himself as he stood. "Now where did I place that playboy magazine?"

**How was it? Should I make another one? Review.**


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